8 WAYS YOU CAN SUPPORT A LOVED ONE WITH FIBROMYALGIA OR CHRONIC FATIGUE

Your loved one needs you to sit and just listen to what they are going through without trying to tell them how to fix it. They’ve already researched their diagnosis. They have talked to their doctors and they are likely doing everything they can to feel better. Part of feeling better means being able to talk openly about what they are going through. Telling them what they already know makes them feel like you don’t trust them to know what they need. What they need is for you to just listen quietly. They may need you to give them permission to talk. Often when they are suffering they may feel like no one wants to hear about it. They may need to be told that it’s ok to talk about what they are going through.

Your loved ones needs you to acknowledge that their pain, fatigue and other symptoms are real. Too often they hear that it’s all in their head or that if they just think more positively it will be better. They know it’s not all in their head and they need you to acknowledge this as well. They need you to understand and accept their limitations and help them stay within them. If loud music or social events overwhelm them, then turn the music down and help them remember their earplugs. If they tell you it’s time to go home because they have reached sensory overload, they need you to just say it’s ok and leave without complaint.

Your loved one would love it if you would take a little time to research their illness and understand what symptoms can be expected. Understanding the symptoms helps you to know that what you are seeing is not your loved one but their disorder or disease. They need you to understand that saying no to doing something with you is not a personal rejection, but rather a statement of their own limits. They can’t do everything that anyone else can do, or even everything that they may have done in the past (even if the past is just yesterday). They need you to understand that life is no longer predictable and that planning ahead may sometimes result in disappointment. Buying concert tickets for an event a month away or planning a vacation may sound good now, but they may not have the energy or ability to actually follow through when the time comes. Always buy event insurance. They need you to understand that they do not control their sleep. While they would love to get a good night’s sleep every night, doing so is not within their control. You can help them by honoring their sleep hygiene routine and helping them maintain it, even if this may impact your own habits. Getting upset at them for things that are out of their control will only make them (and you) feel worse. They need you to understand how mental fog (“Fibro Fog”) affects them. Try to listen to them and understand that the words they say may not be the words they mean. When they pause mid-sentence understand that they are trying to think of the word they want. You can help by inserting the word you think they mean. Also understand that they may have memory issues. Gentle reminders of things they need to do or places they need to go are greatly appreciated. Above all else, patience.

Your loved one needs your support both privately and publicly. If they ask you to attend a support group or go to a counselor with them, go. If they are attending alone and don’t ask you, offer to go. They may just not feel comfortable asking for help.

Your loved one needs you to give them permission to rest. If you see that they look particularly miserable, in pain, or just tired suggest that they go lie down and offer to do whatever it is that they are worried won’t get done.

Your loved one needs you to help with the house and with the children. Often they don’t have the energy to do these basic things. Offer to help cook or call for take-out. Help clean up around the house, or even hire them a maid. Give the kids their bath and let your loved one get to bed early or just take some time for herself. On their good days offer to help prepare things that can be easily frozen and heated up on the bad days.

Your loved one needs you to be aware of what medications they are taking and how those medications might affect them. You should be alert to major changes that might indicate a negative side effect, overdose, or missed dose.

Your loved one needs your touch. Hug them gently, hold them while they fall asleep, and gently massage their aching limbs. They need you to remember to tell them and show them how much you love them through your words, your comfort and your caring affection.